Confessions of a Gas Station Attendant

To be honest, this is not the movie character I thought I'd grow up to be. 

Here are some of the things that have happened to me at work:

-Guy paying for cigarettes with change, including clearing out the take a penny/leave a penny tray. Somehow a coin from Panama was in there.

-Two kids trying to get a discount/ free stuff because the popcorn they wanted expired that day.

-People walking right past the motor oil, then asking if we have any.

-I have smelled just about every type of weed known to humanity.

-No, we don't sell single cigars or rolling papers. We don't have matches either.

-I see more drunks before 11am then most cops do all day.

-Our car wash is possessed by some Judo-Christian demon. The doors open and close on there own, soap doesn't get sprayed off, codes aren't excepted, wash cycles don't start, and I'm pretty sure I heard it say  "There is no Dana, only Zuul."

-No, we don't have single cigars or rolling paper.

-A guy who smelled like death warmed over, left out on the couch over night, rolled in dog crap, shoved up a zebra's ass, shoved up an elephant's ass, puked up by said elephant, then based in miasma and grilled for 5 hours.  It's like he came up from his grave for coffee.

-We have coffee here for less then $2. People park by us or while their car is gassing up, and get stuff at Starbucks across the street; for God knows how much more.

-No, we don't fucking have single fucking cigars or fucking jive ass rolling papers!

-We stopped excepting Roundy's cards in January; People are still trying to use them and Rainbow hasn't said anything.

- "Why don't you have decaf?" "Well, the fact that in the 6 months I've worked here you're only the 2nd person to ask about it might be a clue."  

-Who puts an almost full coffee into a trash can that's close to overflowing so that it can spill on me?

Yeah, it's like that.